Wednesday, September 29, 2010

frp day 1

i got back into htjs. not to say very elated, not to say very sad. my parents are the happiest though. i suppose i should feel very blessed, actually. since there are places far more ulu where there's no internet, no water, and petrol costs will end up high as well as car maintenance for driving through the bumpy stone roads.

so anyway, here i am now starting as full-time warfarin mtac pharmacist and to take over the orthopedic wards 4B and 2B. in actual fact.. i'm scared.. i don't feel like i know a heck of a lot. i don't feel confident in myself. sigh.. most importantly, i must make sure i do not harm any patient in any way, or i will never forgive myself.

whatever it is, here's to the future.

my new motto for this year:
don't demand respect. earn it.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

lOst

with all that's been happening around me recently,
i suddenly feel a bit lost..
i seem to have lost my bearings..
tottering on the brink of uncertainty

of who I am

of what I am

of where to go

of my future, my dreams

change.. partings.. changes in roles..

I feel loss

I am lost.

I am all alone.

Friday, September 17, 2010

points of interest in these two days...

1. bukit tinggi is freakin hot. is this global warming?

2. after like 2 years away from kl, i accidentally took the lrt instead of monorail.. so end up need to walk a long long way to low yat. in the rain somemore.. along the way, met this ang moh who asked me, pointing to my umbrella.. "where can i buy the parachute?"

wow.. now that i think bout it, there is some resemblance between those two..

3. some people actually prefer night call to A&E. i was supposed to work night call tonight and A&E on sunday. now i get to work A&E 8-5pm for both sat and sun instead. at least my internal 'clock' won't be jumbled up.=] working weekend sucks though.. if not i can go meet tortugana and maybe evileyn this weekend.. :(

4. was wearing my P106 t-shirt and shorts today and passed by some saleman. he had to ask.. are you over 18? ><

5. my camera oh my camera.. why are my pictures corrupted sometimes?? nikon says camera no problem.. memory card might or might not be the problem.. most probably computer problem.. huh?

6. i'm super freakin broke now.. :..( need to start saving some money...

Sunday, August 01, 2010

1 year....

i hadn't realised it, but today i heard someone mention 1st Aug, then wham it all came back to me.. it's been 1 year, since she's gone, 1 year, where i kept myself busy working and working.. sometimes as i go through life, i come across something, and i can imagine her cute reaction. then i can't help but smile to myself. man, i miss her.. i do not know if i can ever become as strong and smart and courageous as she is, but there's no harm trying right? so there she is being good neighbours with my brother.. and i miss them both. hope both of them are happy up there. till we meet again..

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Choices...

if i could choose, where would my destiny lie..?

sometimes having a choice, or what somewhat figures for a choice, is harder than none..

feels like a stress-induced gastric coming....

let's hope tomorrow goes well.. i need some wisdom here..

Sunday, May 30, 2010

说了再见。。。

  天亮了 雨下了 你走了
清楚了 我爱的 遗失了
落叶飘在湖面上睡著了

想要放 放不掉 泪在飘
你看看 你看看不到
我假装过去不重要 却发现自己办不到

说了再见 才发现再也见不到
我不能就这样失去你的微笑

口红待在桌脚 而你我找不到
若角色对调你说好不好

说了再见 才发现再也见不到
能不能就这样忍著痛泪不掉

说好陪我到老 永恒往哪里找
再次拥抱一分一秒都好

天亮了 雨下了 你走了
清楚了 我爱的 遗失了
落叶飘在湖面上睡著了

想要放 放不掉 泪在飘
你看看 你看看不到
我假装过去不重要 却发现自己办不到

说了再见 才发现再也见不到
我不能就这样失去你的微笑

口红待在桌脚 而你我找不到
若角色对调你说好不好

你的笑 你的好 脑海里 一直在绕
我的手 忘不了 你手的温度

心碎了一地 捡不回从前的心跳
伤心过去我无力逃跑

说再见 才发现再也见不到
能不能就这样忍著痛泪不掉

说好陪我到老 永恒往哪里找
再次拥抱一分一秒都好....

Saturday, May 29, 2010

转圈圈

是时候面对事实了

为什么为什么为什么。。。

去睡觉算了。。

Monday, May 24, 2010

face to face with H1N1

it was 4.30pm and there came a call to teach MDI inhaler technique in 8C. it didn't hit me at first that that was the isolation ward until the SN said the patient was H1N1 positive.

shudders..

well, i guess i didn't have much of a choice. given the timing and knowing that most probably the name will just hang there in the office, i went up, postponing my article review for tomorrow.

the robing was quite fun actually, ignoring the fact that i put the robe the opposite way first time round. when i got up there there were actually TWO patients, not one. just my luck. i guess this has to do with my bad habit of having spares. now fate is mocking me.

but i digress.

so anyway, the robing was quite fun. there was the robe, shoe cover, gloves, head cover, N95 (i put on a normal mask too for double protection). not too bad, i could still breathe.

i had to robe myself 2 times since after each patient i had to throw everything into the yellow bin.

first patient was quite fast since she did not have the inhaler with her, so all i could do was show her the leaflet and try to explain. gosh i hope they don't call again tomorrow. :S

second patient was quite a harrowing experience. she didn't wear her mask. she kept coughing. i tried hard not to visualise the tiny bugs flying out of her mouth and wafting across my face in the room. gosh.. can they even penetrate through skin? or mucosal membranes? or enter through pimples on my face??? open wounds wei.....:( half my face and eyes are not covered. they should make some kind of mask so that i'm fully coated.:(

and so she coughed and coughed and coughed.. sigh..

then since i had to reassess her technique, i had to ask her to exhale.. sigh.. all the bugs flying out.. :S :S i had to demonstrate inhaling, through the mask of course, but even then i shudder to think if the bugs can penetrate the mask then i'm inhaling them deep down into my lungs...

sigh.... tonight i cannot sleep dy..

Saturday, May 22, 2010

h/o's... ><'''

i can never understand how they think..

went to the ward to collect data for my research. all i need is to search the census for ugib cases, then have a peak at the bht to see whether it's due to forrest I or II ulcers, then a few minutes will do to complete my survey form.

scenario 1: hmm.. bed 22.. bed 22.. where's bed 22? oh that h/o is holding it. i observe for a while. he's just hugging the file close to his chest while following the m/o on their rounds. he's not doing anything to it, not looking at it, but just holding it. and they are rounding some other beds. after a while, the h/o walks to the back of the ward, talks a bit, still holding to that file. so i approach him and ask politely whether i can use the file for a while. he looks at me like i'm rubbish (he knows who i am since i was attached there for a while) then he asks: WHY? okay... so i explain.. just for a while to jot down some details for research. then he creases his brow, looks totally irritated, and says: NOT NOW. then walks away. wth? No. 1: so rude. No.2: not like he's using it anyway.

so i follow him around at some distance like some puppy. and it's so obvious that he's not using it. the fact dawned on him too but will he pass it to me? nooooo... after hugging the file and following the round for some time, he finally took the file and put it on the trolley. gah.. cannot admit he was hogging it by passing to me? anyways, i didn't even take 5 minutes.

Scenario 2: i needed the file for just like 1 minute to check whether is ugib due to ulcer or not, file's at the counter, h/o says wait. fair enough, they had to use it to confirm something over the phone. after that, another doc turn it facing me to check something, then they were done with the file. i tried to sneak a peek at the yellow ogds finding page to see the diagnosis, then this h/o turned the whole file around, purposely i think, just to leaf through it. waa.. then i had to read upside down as he leafed through.

sigh...

Thursday, May 20, 2010

is cervarix or gardasil really neccessary??

been wondering for some time.. to take or not to take.. if take, which brand.. seems like both has quite a high incidence of side effects.. although most people are fine. mom's freaking out at the thought of taking the vaccine.. putting thoughts of death rates into my head. a brief search on internet and now apart from death, got paralysis, bells palsy etc swimming in my head. i'm just wondering.. will i regret it if i don't take it? sigh... my mind's a blunder.. and i'm not getting younger. 26 will come all too soon.. :(

Sunday, May 16, 2010

i should know better..

but it hurts all the same..

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

为何生活那么乏味。。。?

最近不知为何 生活那么纳闷

每天要做的事堆积如山
没完没了

每早上到ward,就得赶紧乘医生还没开始round就把所有病人的医药历史纪录好。

访问一个病人,或许一分钟(若病人没什么病),或许15分钟(若病人多多病)。那只是1个病人耶。一天通常都会有7-8新病人,可是九点多医生就开始round了。

round 时医生或许会当我透明(最好不过了),或许会问我些找得到答案的问题,又或许会给我一些很高难度的journal去找。

round完了,就得教病人如何打塘尿针,或如何用气喘的pump。

每天还得详细记录与研究3份病人的档案。

每个星期要更深入研究1个case, 要不然就会被炸到残残。

这4个星期里,几乎一有时间都只是在预备case,一天3个的档案全还没动,算算都有60等着我去研究。天啊。。。之后还有2个礼拜还没来呢。。。

现在新老板又换了制度,更多晚班了,更多周末得上班了,而且得上更长的时间,过后只能用那些时间拿假,不过以我们繁忙的工作,偶尔拿假也未必拿到。

如果那一站不够人手,难道还能拿假?如果那一站的工做不完,难道还能拿假?到最后也是成为了免费送给老板, cheap labour.. ><

虽然觉得工作蛮有意义,有好多东西学,但却感到非常非常的累。

我下半辈子就得这么过吗???想到都冒冷汗。

有时会觉得,别行业的都不能了解我们的繁忙,痛苦,压力。

顿时在众多朋友家人甚至教会朋友当中觉得莫名的孤独。

唯一的安慰是当我看见实习医生们,我上班前他们已在,我下班后他们仍然还在,才觉得我还不算最累的。

顿时感到心情好遭。。。

Sunday, March 28, 2010

when life throws lemons..

working this morn was not too bad..

after that, went for lunch. went to try the 'famous' tow kee opposite yellow bus stand. gosh..

1. so hot
2. so slow
3. the tauke face like thunder
4. the maid so slipshot, clean table also leave plenty of mess
5. the tauke keep screaming at her maid
6. ordered medium, maid gave big, said no medium exists. when pay time was charged for big, on the wall clearly stated got medium.
7. can hear the ppl at the table in front of me (1 face as black as thunder, 1 keep apologizing for bringing them there) complain to each other: wait so long already lo. wait so long so little ah!!

food was not bad. service and environment totally sucked. so glad i went alone.

got a certain ambiguous vibe from someone.. not sure what i should be feeling or how i should react. not sure what this fella wants also. but a single word can turn my orderly life into disarray.

weather is so hot! feel so sweaty!

3 cars cut me very very close at the junction after toll right before they have to go up the flyover. stupid ppl. if wana cut, please don't cut so close. and 3 somemore 1 after another. i know u all very teror.. very geng.. always take the outer lane to skip all the cars then cut in just before u have to go on the flyover. Stupid humbugs. please don't cut so close when i'm not driving particularly slow and when i have the right of the road.

came home.. some brainless person park right in front of my house door somemore. then i have to park far far away then walk into my own home. under the hot scorching sun.

went online.. saw some stuff. sometimes i dunno is it my problem or others.

just really tak syok and boh mood right now.

i know i should take all the lemons and make it into lemonade..

but now i'm just too fired up.

don't mess with me. please.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

S'ban f00d... where to get da BEST!

gotta faster get it all down before what alap said seeps out from my brain. this is just based on what i like or what ppl around me like. seremban folks or non-seremban folks, feel free to add to this list any recommendations or local favourites.=]

SIEW PAO

Seremban siew pao! duno where's the best though..

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

BEEF NOODLE 牛肉粉

Original at market, haven't tried yet.

Kemayan square outlet - nice! got air con!

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

CRAB

Seremban siew hai 芙蓉烧蟹 - i haven't tried yet.. malunya..

日升 opposite ming kok - lousy attitude though..

next to 食街 in lobak - also has 鱿鱼米粉

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

FISH HEAD BEE HOON 鱼头米粉

leong kee at Sikamat!! they have home made fish balls too~~ nice and peppery!

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

HAKKA MEE

Tow Kee opposite yellow bus stand - according to alap is the best..

Tow Kee in market - according to lin hui is the best..

shack on drain beside chan wa main - according to me is the best.. keke.. but then i haven't tried the one opposite yellow bus stand.

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

CHICKEN RICE/DUCK/CHAR SIEW/SIEW YOKE

锦记 wai yean's shop near yellow bus stand - duck, char siew, everything you want! nice!

发记 fatt kei - after traffic lights after klinik pergigian, got black char siew!

ah Paw - opposite tarot cafe at lobak

duck rice same row as hong kong noodle and fish shop.;p

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

FISH BALL NOODLE 鱼圆粉

Jalan lisam at shops beside JKN

restaurant OK at lobak

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

NASI LEMAK

opposite temiang polis station at limbok!!

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

PAN MEE

Mummy's pan mee at kemayan square for afternoon - curry, spicy..

Rasah 泉记 for night - ma lak! some ppl like it pedas pedas pedas..

hehe..

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

LAKSA

Asia laksa - at rahang kecil and senawang.. i will and must try one day!

Laksa at kemayan square - a bit pricey, but i think the see ham very fresh and nice.

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

BAK KUT TEH

Temiang on the left in between traffic lights for yee poh and traffic lights out of temiang.. according to alap. what's the name dy ah?

era square - got dry version, wet version, 猪脚醋

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

CLAYPOT RICE

shack on left before row of shops with hong kong noodles

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

MIXED RICE 杂饭

rasah opposite hosp

blossom food court

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

BALLS

rahang.. on the left.. in a shack somewhere near 财记, duno which comes first.

yee poh - meat ball, tendon ball, fish ball..

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

PRAWN NOODLE SOUP

Pence food court! nearest to penang style to be found in seremban

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

WAN TAN MEE

opposite klinik bee and eu yan sang in town - my favourite!^^

明记 in market - lin hui's fav..

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

PORK NOODLE 猪肉粉

behind OCBC bank.. now no more dy.. sob.. duno where they went.. anyone knows??

Pence food court..

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

ALL SORT OF NOODLES

Hong Kong noodle - curry with their homemade mee, sui gao with green mee, 滑鸡河粉..

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

CHAR KUEY TEAW

Victory at Oakland

FS kopitiam

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

SEAFOOD

still need to go to PD...

yi tong..

jia jia..

restaurant on the right at traffic lights before indian temple if coming from s'ban, opposite some bank..

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

DAI CHAO 大炒

Opposite permai 3.. the oat prawns.. yum yum..

fei zhai - salad yao zhar guai..

lucky - curry in bread..

hua cheng 花城 - claypot lou shi fun, gu lou yok

seremban garden

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

PORRIDGE

kemayan square - be careful how u order though.. if not very pricey. best is kong pou 田鸡!

teo chew porridge in town, same row as RHB bank and KFC

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

TOMYAM

temiang ming kei food court - according to boon san.

opposite alap's house in rasah - according to alap.

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

TONG SUI

泉记 at rasah~

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

BREAD

opposite yee poh.. the 餐包 is the BEST!

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

CENDOL

slant opposite RHB bank in that nice wooden building. shifted from shack opposite hilton. alap find for 3 years dy! finally heard from xiang ying.

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

WESTERN

kensington - my all time fav.. for mushroom soup, crispy aromatic duck..

pizza italia - fresh pizza.. spaghetti.. not bad la, but cannot fight with spaghetti from louisiana..

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

JAP FOOD

Jap buffet at allson klana.

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

THAI

Blossom~

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

anyone know anywhere else?? do share =]

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Gym???

had quite an interesting gym experience today. hmm..

this gym pro said wana teach us how to stretch. i thought that would be like.. lean here and there while ppl pushing u or sth. actually it was like... i duno how to say.. haha.. but it was damn painful. i clack one side, felt very weird (like unbalanced.. maybe coz song sai one side and stiff the other) and painful, then clack the other side, then clack all the way down the back. i wondered how far my waist will turn before i break into two. then it was time for the neck. :S

then coz i complain of neck pain, the short neck massage with our favourite LMS.

wow.. pain man. haha..

but after that, felt like whole body song sai. so nice the feeling. but the process.. hmm..

thanks anyway!=]

don't think i dare to try it on others though.. unless they got buy life insurance.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

转个弯,看看有什么惊喜。=]

转个弯
或许就会看到什么惊喜
不必特地去苛求
就很自然的
或许前面就有个小小角落
让你停下休息
前方蓝天蓝海融成一片
吹吹海风
歇下气
聊聊天
过个美好的一天 =]

Sunday, March 14, 2010

往前走.. 去追随彩虹的影子吧

一段美丽的故事
用了很久很久去读去写
当下经历了各种喜怒哀乐
有着许多刻苦铭心的回忆
到最后故事仍然总结了
写完了

另一段美丽的短篇
来也冲冲,去也冲冲
还未意识到它开始
它就已经结束了
明知道是短篇
却有点不舍
但或许,
硬把短篇加长成为长长的故事
未免太勉强了吧
或许短篇也有短篇的美
虽然短了些,
却给我带来了好多惊喜
回忆

是时候收拾心情
再往前走
前面还有更多美丽的故事等着我呢。。。


after denial, bargaining, anger and depression.. comes acceptance.
i guess it's time to move on.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

look further

sometimes the world is wider than what we see or don't see in front of us.

when we look at our personal lives, we see things that don't go our way, dreams that aren't fulfilled, work that isn't done..

not to say that these are not important.. but..

somewhere on this planet, there are people who see their houses crumple in front of their eyes, with or without their family in it. there are parents who see their children die from starvation. sickness. old folks who have to walk maybe through bushes and steep rocky paths just to get to town for some groceries. children abandoned along roadsides by parents not able to support them. or innocent children born with HIV and just living waiting to die and it's not even their fault.

we are lucky to be alive and whole.

so i guess i should stop grumbling and ranting bout my insignificant problems and start being a better person in whatever little way that i can help.

Friday, March 12, 2010

最熟悉的陌生人

分手后不可做好友, 因此彼此伤害过。。。
不可做敌人, 因此彼此深爱过
所以我们变成了最熟悉的陌生人。。。

saw this on facebook
why everyone so emo??

sad stuff from facebook...

1、有些事,我们明知道是错的,也要去坚持,因为不甘心; 有些人,我们明知道是爱的,也要去放弃,因为没结局;有时 候,我们明知道没路了,却还在前行,因为习惯了。

2、以为蒙上了眼睛,就可以看不见这个世界;以为捂住了耳 朵,就可以听不到所有的烦恼;以为脚步停了下来,心就可以不 再远行;以为我需要的爱情,只是一个拥抱。

3、那些已经犯过的错误,有一些是因为来不及,有一些是因 为刻意躲避,更多的时候是茫然地站到了一边。我们就这样 错了一次又一次,却从不晓得从中汲取教训,做一些反省

4、你不知道我在想你,是因为你不爱我,我明明知道你不想 我,却还爱你,是因为我太傻。也许有时候,逃避不是因为害怕 去面对什么,而是在等待什么。

5、天空没有翅膀的痕迹,但鸟儿已经飞过;心里没有被刀子 割过,但疼痛却那么清晰。这些胸口里最柔软的地方,被爱 人伤害过的伤口,远比那些肢体所受的伤害来得犀利,而且只有 时间,才能够治愈。

6、很多人,因为寂寞而错爱了一人,但更多的人,因为错爱 一人,而寂寞一生。我们可以彼此相爱,却注定了无法相守。 不是我不够爱你,只是我不敢肯定,这爱,是不是最正确的。

7、如果背叛是一种勇气,那么接受背叛则需要一种更大的勇 气。前者只需要有足够的勇敢就可以,又或许只是一时冲动, 而后者考验的却是宽容的程度,绝非冲动那么简单,需要的唯有 时间
8、生命无法用来证明爱情,就像我们无法证明自己可以不再 相信爱情。在这个城市里,诚如劳力士是物质的奢侈品,爱 情则是精神上的奢侈品。可是生命脆弱无比,根本没办法承受那 么多的奢侈

9、人最大的困难是认识自己,最容易的也是认识自己。很多 时候,我们认不清自己,只因为我们把自己放在了一个错误 的位置,给了自己一个错觉。所以,不怕前路坎坷,只怕从一开 始就走错了方向。

10、生活在一个城市里,或者爱一个人,又或者做某件事, 时间久了,就会觉得厌倦,就会有一种想要逃离的冲动。也 许不是厌倦了这个城市、爱的人、坚持的事,只是给不了自己坚 持下去的勇气。

11、多少次又多少次,回忆把生活划成一个圈,而我们在原 地转了无数次,无法解脱。总是希望回到最初相识的地点,如果 能够再一次选择的话,以为可以爱得更单纯。

12、如果你明明知道这个故事的结局,你或者选择说出来, 或者装作不知道,万不要欲言又止。有时候留给别人的伤害,选 择沉默比选择坦白要痛多了

让人心疼的12句话 哪句说到你的痛了....

stupid gal..

why do i do this to myself again and again?
have i not learnt?
i will not wait any longer
waiting while eating two cups of maggie
waiting while watching gossip girl
waiting...
sometimes i really think i am too naive

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

a moment

where time seems to stand still
where black and white becomes gray
where i remember
the reason i fell in love with you...

Saturday, February 27, 2010

something out of the blue

yet has my heart doing acrobatics.^^

Monday, February 22, 2010

first day in enforcement

woohoo.. enforcement rocks man~

1. prepared raiding kits, there were taklimats, gotta fill up the form.. neh.. all the boring stuff.

2. RAIDING! on the first day mind you. yippee! it was quite interesting. five teams in the whole NS, then whole malaysia raid serentak for the slimming drug containing sibutramine? (i keep forgetting how to spell it.. then keep bugging mr. hon bout the spelling. sorrieee~) the most interesting was that the tauke of my shop was sooooooooo fierce. at first she was quite nice, a bit cautious. then she refused to take out her stock! even after the DEO card was shown. then at the mention of police she freaked! throwing the card on the table, scolding scolding. and man is she ganas. i was like shockednervousscared all rolled in one. (and mr. hon had just said that this was just a normal raid with normally no problems at all...0.0'') anyway, in the end she called her supplier to foot the bill, then handed everything to us. her supplier friend must be pretty busy right now.

rm200/box. NS got more than 100 i think. let's say is 100. malaysia count as 12 states to account for those smaller ones. 240000 in one shot. must pay back the salons/shops etc. then denda somemore? phew.

3. jetty visit!~ lalala~ got the chance to go to PD jetty for a short stint. had quite an interesting talk along the way too. i finally understand what the sinsei said bout my blood being 'weak' causing my rash. thanks!

4. I just realised that i thought hamsap kamarul was tommy!!!!!!!! oh noes!!!!!!!!!!! since i thought he was not the hamsap fella, when i saw him around i actually smiled. *pengsan* later he think i hiaw. besides, he is bald, fat and short, but soooooo totally does not look malay. i can't spot the signature hamsap look either. Either he has mastered the art of masking his hamsapness or my boops are just not big enough. Lolz.. anyways, my presentation topic is under him. diessss.......

5. cme here has foood~ ;p

Sunday, February 21, 2010

hello, stranger

sometimes all it takes is a simple sentence to change everything you once knew into nothingness.

Friday, February 19, 2010

分手快乐

我无法帮你预言
委曲求全有没有用
可是我多么不舍
朋友爱的那么苦痛
爱可以不问对错
至少有喜悦感动
如果他总为别人撑伞
你何苦非为他等在雨中
泡咖啡让你暖手
想挡挡你心口里的风
你却想上街走走
吹吹冷风会清醒的多
你说你不怕分手
只有一点遗憾难过
情人节就要来了
剩自己一个
其实爱对了人
情人节每天都过
分手快乐
祝你快乐
你可以找到更好的
不想过冬
厌倦沉重
就飞去热带的岛屿游泳
分手快乐
请你快乐
挥别错的才能和对的相逢
离开旧爱
像坐慢车
看透彻了心就会是晴朗的
没人能把谁的幸福没收
你发誓你会活的有笑容
你自信时候真的美多了

Monday, February 15, 2010

floundering

at that instant, i'm always very calm..saying all the right words.. i rise to the occasion i suppose. right now, i feel like shit. 보고싶어... so much so much..

closure

i will be brave

i will be strong

i will forge on

after all

it's a brave new world

now i just need to believe that...

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

girly escapade

i actually spent my after-work hours today buying nail polish.. nail polish! what has become of me?

but i can't stop staring at the delicate flowers on my nails now. haha.. i think i'm addicted.;p

Saturday, February 06, 2010

randomness for laughs

saw this on xian yi's facebook link. some seem to be picked from my thoughts themselves. Lolzz..

Random thoughts from people in the twenties…


3. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.


5. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

7. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.


8. Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?


9. Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.


10. There is a great need for sarcasm font.


11. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.


12. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.


14. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.


15. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.


16. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.


18. Was learning cursive really necessary?


19. Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.


20. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.


22. My brother’s Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, “Cuz we beat you, and you hate us.” Classy, bro.


23. Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.


24. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?


25. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!


26. Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies”


27. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?


30. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

32. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

34. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.


35. Bad decisions make good stories


36. Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!


37. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?


39. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….


40. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.


41. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.


42. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.


43. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.


44. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.


45. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV.. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’


46. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?


47. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.


48. When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.


49. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.


50. Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…


51. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.


52. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.


53. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.


54. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.


55. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it.


56. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…


57. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?


58. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.


59. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.


60. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.


62. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner


for the complete entry, click here!

Sunday, January 31, 2010

其实每个女生都是一个傻丫头~

一。和她发短信时,回复一定要快,让她觉得你放下手上的
事情立刻回复她,字数一定要比她的多,这样她会觉得你很在乎她。 ­

­
二。每天睡觉之前一定要给她一条道“晚安”的短信,不管你有多晚,因为她可能一直在等你,只是她嘴上说不管。即便是她已经昏昏睡去,第二天一醒来也会立刻去查收信息。 ­

­
三。看到她的未接电话要立刻打过去,任何时候不要让她找不到你,因为这样她会一直很不安心。 ­

­
四。你问她想不想你时,如果她说不想,你不要生气,因为她的不想就是想。 ­


五。千万要记得女生都是害羞的,不要什么都让她主动。也不要在她表现心疼、吃醋、关心你的时候不停地问,只要偷偷地笑心里甜就够了,也许她不想让你知道她无时无刻不在想对你好。 ­

­
六。经常去她的空间逛逛,即使什么也不留下,但是她看到你来过的痕迹也会很开心,也许有些心情就是为你而写。顺便看看她的心情日志什么的,还有她好友的留言,多知道点她的小秘密挺好,准备惊喜也容易点。 ­

­
七。牵了手就不要轻易说分手,吵架的时候也不要说。如果她赌气跑开,只要一个用力的拥抱就能让她安静,就能让她感觉到你的爱。希望你能懂她离开时想要被挽留,如果说出口那只是乞求来的温柔。 ­

­
八。开始一段新的恋情的前提是放下前面的所有恋情,你可以把她们给你的信物和美好记忆保留着,但是请把这些用一个匣子藏在她永远不会发现的地方,因为那些她不知道的事对于她是致命的伤害。记住女生都是敏感的动物。 ­

­
九。如果一时冲动分了手,请给彼此冷却的时间,想清楚她就是你想要的人就勇敢地告诉她,不管用什么手段,死皮赖脸也好让她回到你身边就好。如果真的爱她就不要放开她,不要让她伤心,不要让她流泪,你明明知道她有多傻,她会傻傻等你的,你知道女生的青春有多么宝贵么!如果你还心疼她绝不要在分手不到一个月就移情别恋,这样等于在她伤口上撒盐。请你交换角色想一想,如果你女朋友和你分手第二天就在别的男人怀里开心地笑,你的心会有多痛?­

­
如果你有一个傻丫头,请你好好珍惜她好好爱她好吗?也许你不知道你的一句关心,你的一个微笑,你的一个吻,一个拥抱,一个摸头发的动作都是她的幸福,其实她要的只是这么简单。她不奢求太多的惊喜,太多的浪漫,有你就是她所有的幸福。不要轻易放开她,因为她是傻丫头,她会在别人面前装的很强,对每个人微笑,然后半夜一个人躲在楼梯拐角处偷偷哭啼,她会不停地听着和你有关的歌,默默关注着你,默默的生病,默默的流泪,她会开始变的沉默,变得开始唱悲伤的歌,弹悲伤的曲子。­

如果你真的有一个傻丫头请记得你说的话好吗?请你让她幸福,给她幸福,要自信的对她说:“我会让你变成全世界最幸福的人,我要让所有的人都羡慕你有一个好老公。”­

saw this on facebook.. so true.. gals are idiots when it comes to love. guys just need to understand that.

Friday, January 29, 2010

cooling down period

boy was i mad.. but after taking a bath.. i finally decided to do the call anyway. this time i can say 'i sacrifice for you' to his face.

but i guess it really pays to 吃点亏..

coz when i called, he said he found someone.

breath of relief.

maybe he's not as useless as i thought.

my mood improved vastly. i even wished him all the best tomorrow and to break a leg.

but then again, even though "break a leg" is no different than "good luck", it is a bit not apt for a ball game.

so well... let's all hope for the best tomorrow.

p/s: i shoot to 100 degrees fast.. blow off steam for a while.. then it all evaporates leaving the nice me once again. it's always been this way. and i've just been reminded of myself once again. but mind you.. when i'm pissed.. i'm PISSED..

oh and by the way, H1N1 injected arm hurts after a day. no kidding.

what really PISSES me off!

if i change on-call with X and you owe X one and have to ganti her, FOR GOODNESS SAKE YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT CALL! that's basic knowledge.

let's see... if X exchanged with me and i'm supposed to do it next week or sth, if i need to do presentations on that same day it's my own bad luck and i'll have to deal with it, and not say...."i sacrifice for youuuuu~~~" everytime i see X and make her feel bad.

it's not like i purposely change with X coz i can foresee that everyone will have to do presentations on that day right? moreover, it would be X's problem if you didn't have to ask her to ganti you much earlier.

and if you are supposed to do that call and you suddenly have some stupid ball chasing match football tournament YOU are the one supposed to deal with it right?? you don't come telling me at 4.45pm on friday "ohhhhh can you ganti me tomorrow?? pity me larrrr...."

GAH!!!!

if it's such an important match did you just find out about it 15 minutes before work ended on the day just before? if it's such a last minute thing it must not be very important. or if it is such an important thing you would have known much earlier. and you didn't bother to find a substitute earlier? was it just so that you can shock me at the very last minute and pressure me to doing the call??

well, too bad, i already have plans since a week ago.

and too bad for me also, if no one turns up, i'll still be the one fried.

really DAMN IT!!!!!!!!

DOUBLE TRIPLE INFINITY SHIT MAN!!

u asshole.. slimball.. slug.. bugger.. argh!!!!!!!!!

really, i would have thought you were more responsible than that.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

H1N1 vaccination

after thinking bout it long and hard, i finally decided to let myself be one of the guinea pigs and take the H1N1 vaccine. well, we were supposed to take it anyway, and to write down our names if we refused so that in case we kena H1N1 we had to answer for ourselves. since it was die (from the vaccine?) or die (from H1N1?), i just took it la end of story.

a bit scared. wasn't painful. hand a bit numb after that. just like after the flu vaccine last time.

came home. dad was very supportive. mom was very NOT supportive. just like the population at hospital right now: some so happy that the vaccine is out. "we need the protection! we're at risk!" some won't take no matter what. "don't wanna be guinea pigs!"...

....

anyway, if i grow horns tomorrow you all will be the first to know.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

sometimes life just goes in a circle

today suddenly had the urge to reconnect with some old friends.. found out some stuff.. felt quite sad. what i had predicted had come true after all.. it didn't end after we left. the new batch suffered the same fate as me. thinking back, i can remember the rage, the confusion, the disbelief at the extremeness sum ppl can go to, and i wouldn't hope it on any other. but life comes in a circle that doesn't stop. and this time it did not end up with someone as outwardly docile as i was. somehow, i feel sad for tigerlady too. coz i still believe that she does not really mean to hurt all the people that she has. so much has changed in just this short few months.. sigh..

all is not bad though. today i walked in and you suddenly asked me whether i was feeling better. that simple act of concern really touched me. i mean, we are not even close. and i just mentioned it in passing to ur hubby last night and u remembered. that simple sentence made my day even brighter than it originally was. suddenly i catch a glimpse of why ur hubby chose u, since i have not really known u well before this. sum ppl have a lot of opinions on who marry who and whether they think they should or not. but i see how well u two suit each other. i have learnt to see a little deeper. now i really don't mind getting to know you a little better. and thank you for making my day.=]

Thursday, January 14, 2010

some drivers are nuts @.@

just came back from gold coast and tanjung sepat with my family, only to be told that our dustbin is successfully decapitated..

or rather.. that this car came way too fast.. banged the back of my neighbour's car parked outside their house.. reversed.. then banged our dustbin.. then zoomed off..

but now i think bout it.. if the front of the car is anywhere near as bad as my neighbour's backside.. it would be quite hard to zoom off.

this calls for an investigation.. reinterogation of eye witnesses..

except there were none.

so in the end.. there's just the banged up backside of my neighbour's car.. and wat's left of our dustbin.

i think i'll do something more productive.. like sorting out my photos. haha..

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

malaria's in town

today suddenly got ppl come to our housing area to test us all for malaria. it seems sum fella working at sarawak got it, so hey taman, you all gotta get tested.

first time i really sympathised with those diabetics who have to prick their fingers like 4 times a day to test their sugar level. one prick on my finger for malaria testing.. well.. not really painful, but still, not something i would wana do often.

and the way they treat the houses is quite different from fogging.. it's just some spraying of some odourless medication which needs to be dried. tadaa. we still went out of the house for a while though. with the fans on full blast.

so let's hope they don't come calling anything soon. then we'll be clear!;p

Sunday, January 10, 2010

methadone experience

hmm.. one week at methadone.. quite interesting.

some patients are soooo cute!!! they can make u stutter during counseling. haha.

some are so nice they even tapau nasi lemak and beehoon to belanja us. even though we were quite scared to eat it.. got drugs added maybe?? but end up it was just fine.

M for methadone?

some complain when we dilute the methadone with more water to make it impossible for them to concentrate it for injection (no kick it seems.. but i thought methadone not supposed to give kick??)

some always come and hurry us.. faster faster gotta work.

there was this one time where a row of them, 5 actually, were handcuffed together. then when i called one name the whole row stood up and came forward. quite freaky. but then they had to orientate themselves in such a way that the person could sign, drink, with them moving accordingly like marionettes. i had to stop myself from laughing out loud.

for the first 3 days i parked far away purposely for fear of my car being scratched..
late once.. scratch!
tomorrow late again.. scratch!
horror of horrors...

but then my boss laughed at me. so after that i just zoomed in right next to the methadone building. they were so nice.. no scratch.. they even reminded me to turn off my lights. Lolzz..

then i also went to prison.. quite an experience. they actually don't just rot there in their cells while waiting for their time to be over. i learnt that they actually go through courses, then get to learn skills, and work for money after they are trustworthy enough. it must be like life-long BTN.. scary thought..

felt a bit bad when boss had to cramp into my small car though. and i was quite nervous. i mean, it's stressful enough to fetch ur boss to the prison since my driving skills weren't exactly very pro.. plus.. my tank was nearly empty.. wasn't quite expecting an extra trip that day. thought could top up on the way back home. but all went well though. thank goodness.

my boss even belanja me teh in prison. haha. that must be the first and last time i yamcha in prison.

all in all.. i quite enjoyed this week. no requirements to think about. plenty of packaging and recording, but not bad once you get the hang of it. didn't really touch my TDM stuff the whole week though.:( tomorrow must go back to work with extra zeal!

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

disorganisations! it there is such a word...

i am suddenly in a clearing mood.. sadly not one in which i feel motivated to type out all my TDM presentations or scour the internet for journals for research project though.. but motivated enough to clear the living room table.

i finally can't stand the dump it's becoming. imagine.. such a wide table.. full of all my books.. papers.. laptop..

organize organize!! clear clear!!

then hopefully i will be in a more efficient mode.

most probably i will just go to sleep though.

actually.. the only thought on my mind right now is that HEROES LOAD FASTER!!

musings~

sometimes i wonder...

we point our fingers at them and say they are this and that...

but actually..

aren't we just like them?

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

my boss must be getting shivers when he sees my number...

it's my second day at methadone and my boss was on leave. after a very stressful, crazy and busy first day.. he taught both of us how to assemble this and that, where everything was, how to do this and that.. then he left us saying.. if there's anything better to call me.

so today dawned...

the first problem.. he seemed alright.. talked us through.. told us what to do..

then the second.. and third.. and fourth..

anyway.. i can't really remember how many were there.. but i know there were at least 3 (or 4?) from me and one from my partner. that makes it... like almost a call every hour? 

but come to think of it.. it must not have been tat bad la.. coz i remember the first call was at 11sth.. and the last at 3sth.. but maybe it was quite a few in the space of a couple of hours.. anyhow.. his picking up voice was beginning to sound a bit fazed..

i mean. how can it be a holiday when u are demanded to think and process and come up with solutions reminded of work every time u get into something?

i mean. can u even take a nap?

or maybe u are sitting down to a most delightful meal and then ring ring..

or maybe the tv/game is at the most climatic moment and then ring ring..

or maybe working people on cuti don't do stuff like that.

i guess it'll be more practical stuff like going to the bank to pay up all ur bills and update ur account books or renew ur this and that or pay tax or sth and then ring ring..

in the bank.. if you're on the phone, the guard actually thinks you are plotting a robbery and will ask u to hang up. serious.

but enough of all this.. i should just leave people alone for some rest.

but i really duno how to deal with those sudden changes ma.. like patients supposed to come yesterday but come today then the chart shows he took away for yesterday....

or suddenly got spub stuff.. or patients appearing with letters saying they wana go hutan or go work or sth..

or that we can only give maximum 3 bottles..

or faxing stuff we don't have to jinjang?

sigh..

life is complicated..

golden hour

Today i drove home with the sky a golden splendour,
and colourful lights along the streets..

the way home has never looked so beautiful..