Tuesday, July 28, 2015

momo the puppy

You've been in my life barely 3 months, and all it took was some powerful booming of fireworks, and your desperate attempts to scale the fence, and then you were gone.
I miss seeing you at the door, always happy, always friendly. I miss seeing you trying to walk one foot in front of another along the edge of the fence just to avoid contact with the grass, or lying with your head on the ledge of my door. I can still remember that day when you walked around stiffly after your kutu spray, trying all means to rub against the wall. It took a roll in the grass for you to finally feel comfortable again. And of course the funniest moment was when you practically plastered yourself to the wall when the lawn-mower started.
There's been this hole in my heart where you've been. I may look at other puppies, but all i think of is that they are not you.
I hope you find your way home someday. Till we meet again..

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Mixed feelings

Excited, yet anxious about how the future will play out.
Happy, yet feel somehow alone in this...

Saturday, October 20, 2012

When the going gets hard..

The hard gets going..?

What if it hurts to see the people u love go through hardship because of u..

Then u become the burden.. the problem source.. The problem itself?

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

When I am in auto mode

There are moments in time where your brain tells you you shouldn't. But it's like you can't control your fingers or eyes. Like they're on auto mode, flipping an scanning through those that should not be seen, pictures coming back to haunt you at your darkest hour.


Saturday, February 18, 2012

Emo day :S

Maybe it's coz I've been working non-stop and my normal common sense is lost somewhere between dreamland and reality..

Maybe it's d period in time where I see the black dot instead of the whole white sheet of paper...

Maybe it's the impending headache that I can feel coming but is yet still reluctant to pop in a PCM...

Maybe it's my inability to resist checking out the past even when I know that my mind cannot just process and delete without obsessing over some small detail which might become an incessant thorn at my side...

Maybe it's knowing that i will never have any share in a certain period of memories..

Maybe I should just finish my on-call then go home and crash into my bed....

Monday, January 09, 2012


why is it always either too much or too little?

why can't it be just nice?

why doesn't it feel right?

is it? or is it not?

decisions to be made. answers not yet found. SOS, God..

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

musings of 10 years before..

right now i'm having the beginnings of a headache, with aching bones and intensive futsal training ahead. lolz.. i so wana just jump into bed and go to sleep, not wondering whether i should start reading a chapter of sarawak handbook a day or devise some sort of plan that precludes working, eating, playing, facebook-ing, drama-ing and sleeping so that i can fill my brain a little.

i've been mechanically going to work and coming home everyday, and suddenly i realise i've been a frp for half a freaking year. gosh, why don't i feel more adequate?

but i digress..

the main idea propelling me to revisit my blog was so because i was suddenly reminded of life as it was 10 years ago, when we were in form 5 and 17 and young.

ah those were the days...

i think back to how i thought life would be in the future.. and it is so not like what it is now.

i think back to what i thought was so important then.. and well, some still is, like friendship. exams..? err well, let's not talk about exams since we are finally beyond their bind. woohoo..

i think of tears shed over love lost. well, i now see the meaning of the phrase "what can't kill you makes you stronger".

somehow it saddens me to know that certain paths will no longer cross. that relationships will drift apart inevitably.

everyone has made their various decisions over the path of time, leading them to where they are now, to who they are now. some leading accomplished lives, some leading simple but happy lives, some still searching.

and i can sense a lot of red bombs landing soon.

we are who we are. life is good. the laughter shared over all these years are still echoing in my ears. the tears, i choose to forget.

life might not have turned out as what i always planned. in fact, it turned out better than i could have ever imagined. i realise that paths will cross and paths will part. that's the way of life. i'm saddened by the parting that always happens, but since there's nothing i can do bout it, i will just treasure the moments all the more deeply, all tucked in their respective pockets in my heart.

cheers everyone.

may everyone have a good life. ^^

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

smooth dance moves~~

i know i've been away from blogging for like ages.. but this song drives me crazy and i just gotta share.

lengzai.. malaysian.. with such fluid and smooth dance moves.. can't see this enough times ^^

Oh baby 看着我 快乐不再沉默

因为能见你 阳光好温柔

还不到一分钟 你早镇住了我

加快我 告白的冲动

你温柔的笑容 腼腆中打倒我


你笑着对我说 怎么你还不懂


这个时候 你送给我 好人卡哦!成了迷惑

你的喜欢 友情以上 恋人未满 没有答案


我有很多话很想跟你讲 listen up

我可以 为了你 坚定不移放逐我自己

因为我爱着你 因为我爱着你

我可以 惊天动地怒放向全世界宣誓


我可以 日日夜夜为你写首爱的诗句

因为我爱着你 因为我爱着你


你温柔的笑容 腼腆中打倒我


你笑着对我说 怎么你还不懂


我的手中 用力紧握 好人卡哦!还是迷惑

你的喜欢 友情以上 恋人未满 没有答案


趁它来临前 我只想跟你讲 listen up

我可以 为了你 坚定不移放逐我自己

因为我爱着你 因为我爱着你



我可以 日日夜夜为你写首爱的诗句

因为我爱着你 因为我爱着你


我可以 为了你 坚定不移放逐我自己

因为我爱着你 因为我爱着你



我可以 日日夜夜为你写首爱的诗句

因为我爱着你 因为我爱着你



Wednesday, September 29, 2010

frp day 1

i got back into htjs. not to say very elated, not to say very sad. my parents are the happiest though. i suppose i should feel very blessed, actually. since there are places far more ulu where there's no internet, no water, and petrol costs will end up high as well as car maintenance for driving through the bumpy stone roads.

so anyway, here i am now starting as full-time warfarin mtac pharmacist and to take over the orthopedic wards 4B and 2B. in actual fact.. i'm scared.. i don't feel like i know a heck of a lot. i don't feel confident in myself. sigh.. most importantly, i must make sure i do not harm any patient in any way, or i will never forgive myself.

whatever it is, here's to the future.

my new motto for this year:
don't demand respect. earn it.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010


with all that's been happening around me recently,
i suddenly feel a bit lost..
i seem to have lost my bearings..
tottering on the brink of uncertainty

of who I am

of what I am

of where to go

of my future, my dreams

change.. partings.. changes in roles..

I feel loss

I am lost.

I am all alone.

Friday, September 17, 2010

points of interest in these two days...

1. bukit tinggi is freakin hot. is this global warming?

2. after like 2 years away from kl, i accidentally took the lrt instead of monorail.. so end up need to walk a long long way to low yat. in the rain somemore.. along the way, met this ang moh who asked me, pointing to my umbrella.. "where can i buy the parachute?"

wow.. now that i think bout it, there is some resemblance between those two..

3. some people actually prefer night call to A&E. i was supposed to work night call tonight and A&E on sunday. now i get to work A&E 8-5pm for both sat and sun instead. at least my internal 'clock' won't be jumbled up.=] working weekend sucks though.. if not i can go meet tortugana and maybe evileyn this weekend.. :(

4. was wearing my P106 t-shirt and shorts today and passed by some saleman. he had to ask.. are you over 18? ><

5. my camera oh my camera.. why are my pictures corrupted sometimes?? nikon says camera no problem.. memory card might or might not be the problem.. most probably computer problem.. huh?

6. i'm super freakin broke now.. :..( need to start saving some money...

Sunday, August 01, 2010

1 year....

i hadn't realised it, but today i heard someone mention 1st Aug, then wham it all came back to me.. it's been 1 year, since she's gone, 1 year, where i kept myself busy working and working.. sometimes as i go through life, i come across something, and i can imagine her cute reaction. then i can't help but smile to myself. man, i miss her.. i do not know if i can ever become as strong and smart and courageous as she is, but there's no harm trying right? so there she is being good neighbours with my brother.. and i miss them both. hope both of them are happy up there. till we meet again..

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


if i could choose, where would my destiny lie..?

sometimes having a choice, or what somewhat figures for a choice, is harder than none..

feels like a stress-induced gastric coming....

let's hope tomorrow goes well.. i need some wisdom here..

Sunday, May 30, 2010


  天亮了 雨下了 你走了
清楚了 我爱的 遗失了

想要放 放不掉 泪在飘
你看看 你看看不到
我假装过去不重要 却发现自己办不到

说了再见 才发现再也见不到

口红待在桌脚 而你我找不到

说了再见 才发现再也见不到

说好陪我到老 永恒往哪里找

天亮了 雨下了 你走了
清楚了 我爱的 遗失了

想要放 放不掉 泪在飘
你看看 你看看不到
我假装过去不重要 却发现自己办不到

说了再见 才发现再也见不到

口红待在桌脚 而你我找不到

你的笑 你的好 脑海里 一直在绕
我的手 忘不了 你手的温度

心碎了一地 捡不回从前的心跳

说再见 才发现再也见不到

说好陪我到老 永恒往哪里找

Saturday, May 29, 2010





Monday, May 24, 2010

face to face with H1N1

it was 4.30pm and there came a call to teach MDI inhaler technique in 8C. it didn't hit me at first that that was the isolation ward until the SN said the patient was H1N1 positive.


well, i guess i didn't have much of a choice. given the timing and knowing that most probably the name will just hang there in the office, i went up, postponing my article review for tomorrow.

the robing was quite fun actually, ignoring the fact that i put the robe the opposite way first time round. when i got up there there were actually TWO patients, not one. just my luck. i guess this has to do with my bad habit of having spares. now fate is mocking me.

but i digress.

so anyway, the robing was quite fun. there was the robe, shoe cover, gloves, head cover, N95 (i put on a normal mask too for double protection). not too bad, i could still breathe.

i had to robe myself 2 times since after each patient i had to throw everything into the yellow bin.

first patient was quite fast since she did not have the inhaler with her, so all i could do was show her the leaflet and try to explain. gosh i hope they don't call again tomorrow. :S

second patient was quite a harrowing experience. she didn't wear her mask. she kept coughing. i tried hard not to visualise the tiny bugs flying out of her mouth and wafting across my face in the room. gosh.. can they even penetrate through skin? or mucosal membranes? or enter through pimples on my face??? open wounds wei.....:( half my face and eyes are not covered. they should make some kind of mask so that i'm fully coated.:(

and so she coughed and coughed and coughed.. sigh..

then since i had to reassess her technique, i had to ask her to exhale.. sigh.. all the bugs flying out.. :S :S i had to demonstrate inhaling, through the mask of course, but even then i shudder to think if the bugs can penetrate the mask then i'm inhaling them deep down into my lungs...

sigh.... tonight i cannot sleep dy..

Saturday, May 22, 2010

h/o's... ><'''

i can never understand how they think..

went to the ward to collect data for my research. all i need is to search the census for ugib cases, then have a peak at the bht to see whether it's due to forrest I or II ulcers, then a few minutes will do to complete my survey form.

scenario 1: hmm.. bed 22.. bed 22.. where's bed 22? oh that h/o is holding it. i observe for a while. he's just hugging the file close to his chest while following the m/o on their rounds. he's not doing anything to it, not looking at it, but just holding it. and they are rounding some other beds. after a while, the h/o walks to the back of the ward, talks a bit, still holding to that file. so i approach him and ask politely whether i can use the file for a while. he looks at me like i'm rubbish (he knows who i am since i was attached there for a while) then he asks: WHY? okay... so i explain.. just for a while to jot down some details for research. then he creases his brow, looks totally irritated, and says: NOT NOW. then walks away. wth? No. 1: so rude. No.2: not like he's using it anyway.

so i follow him around at some distance like some puppy. and it's so obvious that he's not using it. the fact dawned on him too but will he pass it to me? nooooo... after hugging the file and following the round for some time, he finally took the file and put it on the trolley. gah.. cannot admit he was hogging it by passing to me? anyways, i didn't even take 5 minutes.

Scenario 2: i needed the file for just like 1 minute to check whether is ugib due to ulcer or not, file's at the counter, h/o says wait. fair enough, they had to use it to confirm something over the phone. after that, another doc turn it facing me to check something, then they were done with the file. i tried to sneak a peek at the yellow ogds finding page to see the diagnosis, then this h/o turned the whole file around, purposely i think, just to leaf through it. waa.. then i had to read upside down as he leafed through.


Thursday, May 20, 2010

is cervarix or gardasil really neccessary??

been wondering for some time.. to take or not to take.. if take, which brand.. seems like both has quite a high incidence of side effects.. although most people are fine. mom's freaking out at the thought of taking the vaccine.. putting thoughts of death rates into my head. a brief search on internet and now apart from death, got paralysis, bells palsy etc swimming in my head. i'm just wondering.. will i regret it if i don't take it? sigh... my mind's a blunder.. and i'm not getting younger. 26 will come all too soon.. :(

Sunday, May 16, 2010

i should know better..

but it hurts all the same..

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


最近不知为何 生活那么纳闷




round 时医生或许会当我透明(最好不过了),或许会问我些找得到答案的问题,又或许会给我一些很高难度的journal去找。



每个星期要更深入研究1个case, 要不然就会被炸到残残。



如果那一站不够人手,难道还能拿假?如果那一站的工做不完,难道还能拿假?到最后也是成为了免费送给老板, cheap labour.. ><







Sunday, March 28, 2010

when life throws lemons..

working this morn was not too bad..

after that, went for lunch. went to try the 'famous' tow kee opposite yellow bus stand. gosh..

1. so hot
2. so slow
3. the tauke face like thunder
4. the maid so slipshot, clean table also leave plenty of mess
5. the tauke keep screaming at her maid
6. ordered medium, maid gave big, said no medium exists. when pay time was charged for big, on the wall clearly stated got medium.
7. can hear the ppl at the table in front of me (1 face as black as thunder, 1 keep apologizing for bringing them there) complain to each other: wait so long already lo. wait so long so little ah!!

food was not bad. service and environment totally sucked. so glad i went alone.

got a certain ambiguous vibe from someone.. not sure what i should be feeling or how i should react. not sure what this fella wants also. but a single word can turn my orderly life into disarray.

weather is so hot! feel so sweaty!

3 cars cut me very very close at the junction after toll right before they have to go up the flyover. stupid ppl. if wana cut, please don't cut so close. and 3 somemore 1 after another. i know u all very teror.. very geng.. always take the outer lane to skip all the cars then cut in just before u have to go on the flyover. Stupid humbugs. please don't cut so close when i'm not driving particularly slow and when i have the right of the road.

came home.. some brainless person park right in front of my house door somemore. then i have to park far far away then walk into my own home. under the hot scorching sun.

went online.. saw some stuff. sometimes i dunno is it my problem or others.

just really tak syok and boh mood right now.

i know i should take all the lemons and make it into lemonade..

but now i'm just too fired up.

don't mess with me. please.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

S'ban f00d... where to get da BEST!

gotta faster get it all down before what alap said seeps out from my brain. this is just based on what i like or what ppl around me like. seremban folks or non-seremban folks, feel free to add to this list any recommendations or local favourites.=]


Seremban siew pao! duno where's the best though..

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


Original at market, haven't tried yet.

Kemayan square outlet - nice! got air con!

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


Seremban siew hai 芙蓉烧蟹 - i haven't tried yet.. malunya..

日升 opposite ming kok - lousy attitude though..

next to 食街 in lobak - also has 鱿鱼米粉

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


leong kee at Sikamat!! they have home made fish balls too~~ nice and peppery!

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


Tow Kee opposite yellow bus stand - according to alap is the best..

Tow Kee in market - according to lin hui is the best..

shack on drain beside chan wa main - according to me is the best.. keke.. but then i haven't tried the one opposite yellow bus stand.

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


锦记 wai yean's shop near yellow bus stand - duck, char siew, everything you want! nice!

发记 fatt kei - after traffic lights after klinik pergigian, got black char siew!

ah Paw - opposite tarot cafe at lobak

duck rice same row as hong kong noodle and fish shop.;p

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


Jalan lisam at shops beside JKN

restaurant OK at lobak

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


opposite temiang polis station at limbok!!

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


Mummy's pan mee at kemayan square for afternoon - curry, spicy..

Rasah 泉记 for night - ma lak! some ppl like it pedas pedas pedas..


. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


Asia laksa - at rahang kecil and senawang.. i will and must try one day!

Laksa at kemayan square - a bit pricey, but i think the see ham very fresh and nice.

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


Temiang on the left in between traffic lights for yee poh and traffic lights out of temiang.. according to alap. what's the name dy ah?

era square - got dry version, wet version, 猪脚醋

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


shack on left before row of shops with hong kong noodles

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


rasah opposite hosp

blossom food court

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


rahang.. on the left.. in a shack somewhere near 财记, duno which comes first.

yee poh - meat ball, tendon ball, fish ball..

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


Pence food court! nearest to penang style to be found in seremban

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


opposite klinik bee and eu yan sang in town - my favourite!^^

明记 in market - lin hui's fav..

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


behind OCBC bank.. now no more dy.. sob.. duno where they went.. anyone knows??

Pence food court..

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


Hong Kong noodle - curry with their homemade mee, sui gao with green mee, 滑鸡河粉..

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


Victory at Oakland

FS kopitiam

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


still need to go to PD...

yi tong..

jia jia..

restaurant on the right at traffic lights before indian temple if coming from s'ban, opposite some bank..

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


Opposite permai 3.. the oat prawns.. yum yum..

fei zhai - salad yao zhar guai..

lucky - curry in bread..

hua cheng 花城 - claypot lou shi fun, gu lou yok

seremban garden

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


kemayan square - be careful how u order though.. if not very pricey. best is kong pou 田鸡!

teo chew porridge in town, same row as RHB bank and KFC

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


temiang ming kei food court - according to boon san.

opposite alap's house in rasah - according to alap.

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


泉记 at rasah~

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


opposite yee poh.. the 餐包 is the BEST!

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


slant opposite RHB bank in that nice wooden building. shifted from shack opposite hilton. alap find for 3 years dy! finally heard from xiang ying.

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


kensington - my all time fav.. for mushroom soup, crispy aromatic duck..

pizza italia - fresh pizza.. spaghetti.. not bad la, but cannot fight with spaghetti from louisiana..

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .


Jap buffet at allson klana.

. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .



. x . x . x . x . x . x . x .

anyone know anywhere else?? do share =]

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


had quite an interesting gym experience today. hmm..

this gym pro said wana teach us how to stretch. i thought that would be like.. lean here and there while ppl pushing u or sth. actually it was like... i duno how to say.. haha.. but it was damn painful. i clack one side, felt very weird (like unbalanced.. maybe coz song sai one side and stiff the other) and painful, then clack the other side, then clack all the way down the back. i wondered how far my waist will turn before i break into two. then it was time for the neck. :S

then coz i complain of neck pain, the short neck massage with our favourite LMS.

wow.. pain man. haha..

but after that, felt like whole body song sai. so nice the feeling. but the process.. hmm..

thanks anyway!=]

don't think i dare to try it on others though.. unless they got buy life insurance.

Sunday, March 21, 2010


过个美好的一天 =]

Sunday, March 14, 2010

往前走.. 去追随彩虹的影子吧




after denial, bargaining, anger and depression.. comes acceptance.
i guess it's time to move on.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

look further

sometimes the world is wider than what we see or don't see in front of us.

when we look at our personal lives, we see things that don't go our way, dreams that aren't fulfilled, work that isn't done..

not to say that these are not important.. but..

somewhere on this planet, there are people who see their houses crumple in front of their eyes, with or without their family in it. there are parents who see their children die from starvation. sickness. old folks who have to walk maybe through bushes and steep rocky paths just to get to town for some groceries. children abandoned along roadsides by parents not able to support them. or innocent children born with HIV and just living waiting to die and it's not even their fault.

we are lucky to be alive and whole.

so i guess i should stop grumbling and ranting bout my insignificant problems and start being a better person in whatever little way that i can help.

Friday, March 12, 2010


分手后不可做好友, 因此彼此伤害过。。。
不可做敌人, 因此彼此深爱过

saw this on facebook
why everyone so emo??

sad stuff from facebook...

1、有些事,我们明知道是错的,也要去坚持,因为不甘心; 有些人,我们明知道是爱的,也要去放弃,因为没结局;有时 候,我们明知道没路了,却还在前行,因为习惯了。

2、以为蒙上了眼睛,就可以看不见这个世界;以为捂住了耳 朵,就可以听不到所有的烦恼;以为脚步停了下来,心就可以不 再远行;以为我需要的爱情,只是一个拥抱。

3、那些已经犯过的错误,有一些是因为来不及,有一些是因 为刻意躲避,更多的时候是茫然地站到了一边。我们就这样 错了一次又一次,却从不晓得从中汲取教训,做一些反省

4、你不知道我在想你,是因为你不爱我,我明明知道你不想 我,却还爱你,是因为我太傻。也许有时候,逃避不是因为害怕 去面对什么,而是在等待什么。

5、天空没有翅膀的痕迹,但鸟儿已经飞过;心里没有被刀子 割过,但疼痛却那么清晰。这些胸口里最柔软的地方,被爱 人伤害过的伤口,远比那些肢体所受的伤害来得犀利,而且只有 时间,才能够治愈。

6、很多人,因为寂寞而错爱了一人,但更多的人,因为错爱 一人,而寂寞一生。我们可以彼此相爱,却注定了无法相守。 不是我不够爱你,只是我不敢肯定,这爱,是不是最正确的。

7、如果背叛是一种勇气,那么接受背叛则需要一种更大的勇 气。前者只需要有足够的勇敢就可以,又或许只是一时冲动, 而后者考验的却是宽容的程度,绝非冲动那么简单,需要的唯有 时间
8、生命无法用来证明爱情,就像我们无法证明自己可以不再 相信爱情。在这个城市里,诚如劳力士是物质的奢侈品,爱 情则是精神上的奢侈品。可是生命脆弱无比,根本没办法承受那 么多的奢侈

9、人最大的困难是认识自己,最容易的也是认识自己。很多 时候,我们认不清自己,只因为我们把自己放在了一个错误 的位置,给了自己一个错觉。所以,不怕前路坎坷,只怕从一开 始就走错了方向。

10、生活在一个城市里,或者爱一个人,又或者做某件事, 时间久了,就会觉得厌倦,就会有一种想要逃离的冲动。也 许不是厌倦了这个城市、爱的人、坚持的事,只是给不了自己坚 持下去的勇气。

11、多少次又多少次,回忆把生活划成一个圈,而我们在原 地转了无数次,无法解脱。总是希望回到最初相识的地点,如果 能够再一次选择的话,以为可以爱得更单纯。

12、如果你明明知道这个故事的结局,你或者选择说出来, 或者装作不知道,万不要欲言又止。有时候留给别人的伤害,选 择沉默比选择坦白要痛多了

让人心疼的12句话 哪句说到你的痛了....

stupid gal..

why do i do this to myself again and again?
have i not learnt?
i will not wait any longer
waiting while eating two cups of maggie
waiting while watching gossip girl
sometimes i really think i am too naive

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

a moment

where time seems to stand still
where black and white becomes gray
where i remember
the reason i fell in love with you...