heart of worship~

as i look back over the years.. i still remember..

.. learning from cynthia during sunday school days. officially, she's my first 'si fu', albeit for a very short period of time.

.. jamming in sunday school with prisca, jaemy. really had fun with you guys. sorry jaemy, for tearing your langkawi t-shirt. it's the quality's fault la, not mine. hehe. during that period, i learnt drums, electric drums, some tambourin, some guitar. sad to say, i can't remember anymore. it was fun while it lasted though. =]

.. looking up one day after practicing with jennifer and seeing 启荣 looking at me. caught! "you also know how to play wan la?!"

.. 'lydia 你要做司琴吗'? it was david. i was freaked out actually. sunday school is one thing. youth is another..

.. he brought all of us together. him, li min, hui jin, ching yaw, me.. hmm.. i thought there were 6 of us. who did i miss? oh ya, dear sheet ling. cute "ah leng". hehe.. miss those days.. he started with a lesson on the meaning of worship. then it was practice every saturday. fast song basics, slow song basics.. i loved listening to him play, it was just different, special, the music seemed to tug at your heart. for someone who didn't learn piano at all, it was really a most precious gift from god. and so he was my 'si fu'.

.. it was a saturday. it was my turn. they wanted to sing a new cantonese song. wow.. i'm really amazed at myself for the way i managed to mangle it up. haha.. david had no choice but to take over.

.. i was 'upgraded' to play in sunday service. gosh!! super freaked out! what if i make a mistake? i remember telling li min i was scared. unluckily, david walked by at that time. i think i forgot to mention that i was terrified of him all the while. i mean, i thought he was pretty fierce. haha.. but that was 12 years ago. he was like.. if like this also scared then when the end of the world comes how? hmm.. anyway, hence started my life as an official pianist. the horror of it all.

.. i was playing the syn, li min playing the piano, david's eyes shooting daggers at me, hui jin's eyes shooting daggers at him. what happened? well.. to be exact, i, who was supposed to start with the intro, started at the WRONG KEY, and li min, who didn't realise it, was playing it at the original key, while the worship leader was singing at my key. sigh.. confusing right? but just imagine, what a CLASH! david was justified. hui jin, the loyal friend, was just pissed that he was giving us tension.

.. slowly, we improved. through mistakes, through practice. music became a part of my life. a way to vent my feelings. it was a hard-earned skill, but the precious outcome has stayed with me every since. through pressure, we learnt. together, we went forth. i learnt about teamwork, the importance of practice, of being humble, of praying..

.. li min was the first to leave. she was the oldest, so after form 5 she went to kl and eventually got married.

.. eventually david and sheet ling left too, after form 5. hui jin disappeared.

.. for the later years, it was just me and ching yaw. eventually ching yang joined in, so there were 3 of us, but there were 2 instruments to play. i was so tired.. i was on almost every week or at least 3 times a month. playing became a chore.

.. ching yaw started to lead in worship. now it's down to 2. fong yee joined at the later period, but since she had to take care of her baby too, she actually had an even heavier load than us.

.. i was flying to glasgow soon. it was time to escape.

but when i cast away the thing that i was called to do.. there was an emptiness within me. shifting from a place where i had no choice, to a place where i had no chance, i realised how precious the chance really was. i had always complained that i had no chance to just worship when i had to play every week. yet, when i could worship all i want, i yearned to play and worship, which is what it's supposed to be anyway. at the very least, when there's no stress involved, like when there's no important intro to play.;p

now i'm back at square one. i'm given a chance to learn all over again. i think i didn't come here by mistake. at the very least, i know there're things meant for me to learn in this short year that i'm here.

as i looked back, i realised my heart had turned cold. playing was no longer a joy but a chore, a commitment which ate up all my time. resentment? maybe.. that no one seemed to learn piano. i supposed i was suffering from the 'why me' complex. complacency? that's for sure.

so far.. what i've learnt over here?

- i've learnt to play in E major. gosh.. i really hate that key. but no choice here. haha.. i think god will always push the things you hate but need to learn at you sooner or later, when the time is ripe. oh well, it's good to learn something new! so guitar players, learn to master F major.;p

- i've learnt sometimes simplicity is the best. especially in a team. i've realised why i like to hear ching yaw play so much. it's coz he used simple chords without much melody, yet the chords he uses are the best, the most beautiful. he then puts in all his feelings in soft or strong tones. it can be said to be a difference in style, but i still think i run around too much. haha.. i need to change!^^

- i've learnt that skill means nothing. it is the heart of worship that counts. it's the hearat that god looks at. that's something i have to remember... when the heart is there, the music will be the most beautiful.. to god.

Michael W. Smith
The Heart Of Worship

When the music fades
All is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus

King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus